Devious Concoctions.

I wanted to work things out, i never did want to run. But you frightened me, i didn’t know what else to do. At that moment, it seemed like the best thing to do.

I’m my own individual, i make my own rules and i follow them. Don’t tell me to change my principles, because that has kept me alive all this while.

Don’t scream at me, it only makes things worst.

I feel like a fool for trusting you, for trusting that you’ll never hurt me, for giving you me. I never want to feel like I’m in hell again, but i have. I just never thought you would do it to me like the others.

I may be naive, inexperience, ignorant and dumb. But at least i know I’m making some changes in my life for you, but you didn’t see those. You wanted something more. That’s not me.

I want to know the real you. Why won’t you let me?

I tried explaining everything, offering my apologies again and again but you didn’t budge. Seems to me something else is much more important.

Why are you taking out your anger on me? I’ve already justified my reasons, I’ve explained everything. But you’re like someone i know who wouldn’t hear me out even though I’m crying in front of you. You always hated me for crying. But I’m going to be strong from now on.

Don’t say i never listened to you. I did. But there is someone else i have to listen to- my heart. Did you ever listen to me? Ask yourself that.

I’m scared of you, did you know that? I’m scared of talking to you, in case i arouse your suspicions and anger. You’re like my father whom i fear. I’m scared because i don’t know who you are anymore.

I’m tired of all of this. I really want to make a new start with you. Now i don’t know where to go. But i don’t want to leave yet. Because of that, i know I’m a fool.

I don’t care if you’re angry or enraged because of this. This is me. Take it or leave it.

Haha, i just love my computer! i broke my com (at least i think i was at fault) and then got it fixed (thanks to my bro) and then broke it again. Whee!! Okie, let me tell u what happened! On Friday last week, my com automatically switched off but the plug was still in the socket and i didn’t switch off the socket. It rained later but no thunderstorm/lightning/thunder… it hanged at the word ‘welcome’. My Bro got it fixed on Sunday and it was okie again. Then i, oh so brilliantly wanted to delete the old edition of MSN Messenger because i installed the new MSN Messenger 7.5 and they kept on clashing with each other like one would sign on and the other would sign off and so on, so much so i would get this repetition of going offline after one sentence. Anyway, clicked control panel, uninstall a few windows components and I’m sure, SURE i clicked the MSN Messenger box ONLY!!!  Guess what? I succeeded in deleting my games, start up, Media player 10, Internet explorer access and entertainment. That’s only the beginning. I have yet to venture further to what i have truly destroyed. My bro can’t exactly kill me because I’m his only sis and he had better love me for it.

Anyway, went out on Monday with Jason and his s’ban gang. Was his birthday and i got him this dragon necklace/chain which was so cool that i really wanted to keep it for myself. Hehe, heck I’m not that mean. Went to watch Narnia but it was a real disappointment for me. Maybe coz i read the book already which was written so descriptively and colourful that no movie can compare to it. Like Harry Potter too i think. Note to self : Read the original book after the movie. Still that day i went back with my bro at 10.30pm! Whee! Was the longest i have ever stayed at midv! Was nice to meet the s’ban gang, though i was a bit fearful i was gonna be quiet….. haha!

Oh yeah, went to HELP’s open day. We looked at only two booths : law and mass comm. My mom wants me to do law- says it’s a more secure job. My bro says it’s a lonely job- u know with corruption running at it’s highest in our country so lawyers tend not to mingle so much…. still those are the legislative lawyers… i think. Mass comm on the other hand seems my cup of tea. More towards meeting ppl, not so much desk job and spreading news to the public. i can handle that…… still, right now I’m having a crisis with what to do next year. My mom and i, as i have mentioned, do not see eye to eye AT ALL! Sigh, will update on this matter next time. Hopefully, it’ll be a good update.

Whee…… on the 7Th of Dec was hartamas prom ‘Ignore the drama’…. okie that catch line turned sour after the emcee (an ex-hartamasian) said way WAY too many times! The night was fun…..

Came back from S’ban on the same day as the prom and immediately went to get my hair washed. I couldn’t get that perm i wanted because of 2 ppl! (u know who u are out there) anyway, after the wash and blow straight treatment, it started to rain….. heavy. Mom’s a sweet dear, even though she kinda showed it in like an angry way. She offered to run home to get an extra umbrella, but know what? i don’t care if my hair gets wet because it’s just a blow straight thing. Anyway, went back home, back all the necessary and non-necessary stuff to take to Bal’s house. God knows i need her expertise on make-up for i am, and i repeat colour blind after spm. Stace u should know….

Anyway, at Bal’s house. Did everything… blah blah….. took like 2 hours. I hyper-ventilated coz i thought i was keeping everyone behind and we’re so gonna be late (even though being late is fashionable?!) anyway, my shawl kept on getting entangled with my belt which makes it quite hard to move around without ripping some threads. K… then waited for Nisha and Thaya before moving off. Haha, like’s there’s no jam at 6.30 pm in town Vinod!!!! So we weren’t late…. i think. The doors to the Seri Mayang ballroom only opened like at 8. So stayed outside, take pictures, squealed at each others dresses and stuff. (Ming, Nyat, Nat, Emy, Renee and Nash transformed into these beauty queens!)

Inside the ballroom, it was like fantastic! I take my hat off to the organizer, Mr Ilyia! There were laser lights everywhere, and a disco ball and a huge dance floor in the middle. Overall, extremely impressive! My table was the 2nd one so we were close to the DJ and the stage. Through out the night we had performances not only form our school rock band (u go Kye Shin) but from Admonition, Lucy in the loo, Jacking Sally and DJ Ollie! *screams here* All of them played rock songs except for Admonition and DJ Ollie! His remixes was so cool! *sighs*

Then after dinner which was mainly, okie only malay food, Jacking Sally intro the prom king and queen to start the dance. Was not anticipating a slow dance until Jon Chong asked me to. I couldn’t exactly say no (i don’t know how to slow dance) but he like showed me. Was okie i think, not sure if we were suppose to just twirl round and round? I spinned perfectly! =p anyway, after that the real dancing started!!! Haha, would have been a perfect night if it weren’t that my pair of Vincci’s shoes broke their straps! Was so frus after that….. the receptionist did a good job of fixing it up with cello tape and staples! Haha!

Went back to sleep over at Bal’s house around 12.30am. Was such a cool night that Nisha, Bal and I didn’t sleep until 4 am. Really wished my other friends from s’ban were there. Haha, stace i know u would so love it! Anyway, gtg get my other stuff that i left at Bal’s house. She took an early flight to Switzerland. I wish her and her family safe journey! Chiowz ppl!

Yeah, thank god i had stuff to do straightaway after SPM so i won’t be sitting home alone! Anyway, on Sat, went for my tuition party. Thing is no one lives in TTDI, yet they held it in Shakey’s all the way in TTDI ( have i mentioned that yet?) Anyway, good thing we (the non-licensed ones) had transport there! So there was Steven’s car, Rizal, Mrs. Dev, Mrs Brahma, and lava’s bro. haha, i was assigned to Steven’s car, but i switched to the back of Rizal’s car. It was scary on the highway at first, when u know guys being guys were over-taking each other and me like screaming at the back! Anyway, it was fun, even though i was the only girl and the guys taking lame stuff! Haha….

Anyway, at Shakey’s we had a game first, then food and then this heart-2-heart talk in front of EVERYONE!(gulp) anyway, the game’s okie la…… past-the-parcel. the forfeit’s were dahsyat and i had to tell out my deepest darkest secret (i ain’t telling here!) The food’s great (it’s pizza, any complains?) even though they cut the large pizza to 16 itdy-bitsy pieces. Yeah, and then their was the heart-2-heart talk. Okie, it was freaky to talk in front of all ur peers about the best thing about this tuition, the worst thing and all that jazz. Yea, as usual i hyper-ventilated in front, but didn’t cry unlike my friends who were their since form 1. I guess the teachers are alright. Just not in the class, plus the fact i never ever did confide in them or ask anything not studies related. Tsk, tsk….. at least i can always visit them. I live so close by.

Oh and then the next morning. met Stace and Aizad at midv. Was going to go prom-dress hunting for Stace if it weren’t for the fact she had to cancel out at the last minute! *glares* anyway, we can always sell her ticket tomorrow, i think. oh haha, the whole commotions of the day- going to KLPAC to watch Julius Caesar. haha, we took the wrong train, or rather we forgot that the trains switch tracks after KL sentral. Haha, we landed in Segambut! Took the train back to Putra to switch platforms, followed the idiotic guard to take the wrong train again and then back to putra and finally on the right track. All this took 1 and a half hour. Haha.. Then, getting inside KLPAC (it’s a pretty big land all by itself and the centre is situated inside) was also another mayhem. The taxi we took kept on insisting we were out of our minds and that we wanted to go to some shopping centre in KL instead of KLPAC. Yeah, he mistook a left for a right and a legal u-turn for an illegal one! In the end we walk to the centre on high heels (damn i’m never wearing those again if i can help it) We only watch the last hour of the play. Kinda wasted because i was lost in the sea of Shakespearean language. At least we got to see Gavin……..

New Year Resolution - I’m going to study the map of the KL transit route.