Devious Concoctions.

So i do stuff that ppl can’t tolerate (not smoking or drinking, mind u). So what? It’s my life. The way i run it is none of your beeswax. Yea, I’ll listen to your lectures, but if u expect me to just bow down and change, u got another thing coming. I am who i am, i can’t live by your norm. God knows, I’m not normal! I’ve lived with this problem for as long as i can remember, and i thought, ‘Finally! I’m being accepted! You guys actually like me, for me!’. Wrong. I can’t really believe all that I’m hearing now. I mean think about it, you guys can actually ‘pretend’ and act to like me for what? 4 years? So, if anything, i wanna know the truth. I’ll appreciate it if ppl told it to my face, no matter how hurtful it is. Maybe y’all wanted to be nice and not hurt me, but friends don’t do this to one another. I’m still in….. how should we call it…… disbelieve. The truth better come, and it better come fast. It’s gonna be a long weekend………..

So i said I’ll be okie, but i lied. I thought i was gonna be. From the start, you knew what i wanted. U promised me them. Why was it not fulfilled? Was it something i did or said? Ppl say good things about u, and as much as i want to believe their words, alas, I’ve seen another U. U know, it’s like expecting rain after a drought. But why has the drought worsen? I thought that maybe after i met u, things can get better. But only for a while. I can’t point fingers, because i know it’s mostly my fault. I wanna release all this frustrations, anger, disappointment and sadness, but i just can’t. I don’t know why. Maybe cause i wanna punish myself for being so stupid in the first place. I just don’t know how to face u, or tell u what I’ve kept for so long and been meaning to tell u. I’m feeling extremely weak…..

P.s. it really was a crappy week! God bless.

Ah, besides staying at my Uncle’s house in Sekinchan, we took another trip to Kampar, Ipoh and stayed there a night. Was kinda like a ghost town, but i can see it developing. In a few years time, all the cows will be gone from the fields, it won’t be so litter-free anymore, and they’ll have better Internet connection so we won’t have to waste money playing games that freeze all the time!

Arrived there like around 9.30pm and had dinner around 10pm. God, i never had anything to eat that late!!! Was fun all the same (I’m weird, i know). And my cousins teaching me how to speak Hokkien. Now i just realized something. There are 3 types of Hokkien, Southern, Northern and Mid. What I’ve been hearing at home is both Northern (my grandma) and Mid (my dad). No wonder i can never pick up the language. I’ve been confused for 17 years already!!! *faints*

Oh well, my cousins (those my age) came back to KL and are staying for the week. Maybe I’ll go catch up with them and earn a language lesson FOC. Chiowz