This, now THAT???
So i do stuff that ppl can’t tolerate (not smoking or drinking, mind u). So what? It’s my life. The way i run it is none of your beeswax. Yea, I’ll listen to your lectures, but if u expect me to just bow down and change, u got another thing coming. I am who i am, i can’t live by your norm. God knows, I’m not normal! I’ve lived with this problem for as long as i can remember, and i thought, ‘Finally! I’m being accepted! You guys actually like me, for me!’. Wrong. I can’t really believe all that I’m hearing now. I mean think about it, you guys can actually ‘pretend’ and act to like me for what? 4 years? So, if anything, i wanna know the truth. I’ll appreciate it if ppl told it to my face, no matter how hurtful it is. Maybe y’all wanted to be nice and not hurt me, but friends don’t do this to one another. I’m still in….. how should we call it…… disbelieve. The truth better come, and it better come fast. It’s gonna be a long weekend………..
So i said I’ll be okie, but i lied. I thought i was gonna be. From the start, you knew what i wanted. U promised me them. Why was it not fulfilled? Was it something i did or said? Ppl say good things about u, and as much as i want to believe their words, alas, I’ve seen another U. U know, it’s like expecting rain after a drought. But why has the drought worsen? I thought that maybe after i met u, things can get better. But only for a while. I can’t point fingers, because i know it’s mostly my fault. I wanna release all this frustrations, anger, disappointment and sadness, but i just can’t. I don’t know why. Maybe cause i wanna punish myself for being so stupid in the first place. I just don’t know how to face u, or tell u what I’ve kept for so long and been meaning to tell u. I’m feeling extremely weak…..
P.s. it really was a crappy week! God bless.
February 16th, 2006 at 5:45 pm
Release the frustrations, release the anger, thats my grandpa saying(serious). In life there will always be half truths and more lies. Its just how you handle the situation…lol, punishing yourself makes no diffrences in this life you’ve got to step up, dear. No matter how bad, the thing is we all got ya back. Give yourself a chance, tell him/her what you need to tell and add on if you must. Yea, you can whack me for not giving proper advice…hehehe. Keep on smiling deary even with a wheary heart, you’ll soon see that their actually people smiling back. Peace out ^_^!!
P.S: Does that mean farting in peoples faces count as one of your actions that people can’t tolerate? If your reading this, its a joke and i hope you feel happy and a bit angry at me……i think most likely angry.
February 16th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
Ur comment was getting good…. till the last part. Thanks anyway!
February 17th, 2006 at 5:34 pm
Hm…well i wasn’t to sure about what was written and was careful. So here’s the rest of it…. the best way to settle these types of differences amongst friends is to confront one another. Do it in a gentle yet firm approach.Crossing swords is not the answer and yes, you have to live with it, but not doing anything about it and leaving it be, is not a good idea. It’ll eat into you and cause you more insecurity. Give yourself a chance and push for your right to be you. Everyone makes mistakes why should you be any different.
As i said above, try to approach them in a soft and gentle mannor, I know you well enough to say you have the courage to go without the crying, the weeping, the shouting, and physical violence. Make an effort to find out what went wrong. You may not change it but you can atleast work on it. Talk to your friends(those who hurt you) on what went wrong and how hurt you feel. It’s sometimes better to let them know that you found out. Give them a chance and forgive them for their wrongs. You may never trust them for a while but atleast you have a clear mind. I know you well enough, Jenn, to say that you have the bravery, the mind, and the emotional strength to pull through. If you find it hard to handle don’t worry, we’ve got yer back, dear. There’s a saying you should remember, “Keep your enemies close and your friends even closer”. I hope when i see you again your still then jenn i danced with at the prom^_^. Keep a sharp mind and a strong heart and you’ll be fine. Good luck and be calm and peace out.
P.S: The blind man sees more than a sighted person.