Devious Concoctions.

Well, it’s been less than a week from my last entry. Am glad to say I’m a bit more….. positive? Haha, but being stuck at home isn’t really helping. Really wanna just go out and look for a job. I wanna try Coffee Bean or Starbucks or San Francisco! It’ll be so cool to work in those type of places where i can be surrounded by that wonderful aroma. Hehe, would be happy all day long! *beams*

Technically, now i just help out with the housework and stuff. It’s not so bad…. I mean i get to work on my dreadfully broken chinese. Plus it’s funny chatting with my grandma and aunts. Hey, i’m not one of those who don’t communicate with their elders! I do. But, it’s just that when they’re the only one’s in the house, u tend to talk to them about……….. everything. I used to just be respectful and answer only when needed. Like, girls are only meant to be seen and not heard (goodness knows y’all can hear me before u see me) Now it’s like, i listen to their stories. Very odd and contrasting i must say.

Still i’m kinda cut out from the outside world. I miss TCPJ so much. Just talking to my classmates online makes me miss the place even more. I hope i can visit them soon……. I miss Audrey aka Crazy (nickname given courtesy of Syafiq) She’s like the friend who u never go anywhere without. I miss her awesomely detailed anime drawings…… I miss Kerry. She’s like the 2nd person i met on the Orientation Day. She’s so…. mature. She’s done nearly everything I haven’t done. Like go out clubbing, hang out at night, stuff like that. Then there’s Syafiq. A really sweet guy who likes to disturb me and Audrey. Josh Josh! A quiet guy but when he talks, whoa, he talks about everything! And then Darren. A bit annoying but then who isn’t. Kinda miss him bugging me…. Sigh…. Then Alvin who wants to be a superstar and loves acting in class. Haha, i support u all the way man! He autographs on every spare sheet of paper he gets. Hey, really who knows? It might be worth a lot one day! And everyone else - Dandan, Jia Yih, Aina, Swee Mei, Karen, Caryn, Natalie, Roy, Roger, Ashleigh, Denise, Jamie, Mei Ann, Vanessa, Catherine, Amanda, Afiq, Terry, Lilian, Vivian…….. if i forget anyone, pardon me. My mind’s not right at the moment. Hehe………

Am getting increasingly worried. Been having this breathing problem. Sometimes i feel suffocated. Like i can’t take full breaths nowadays. Almost as though the pressure inside is greater than outside, so in a way it’s blocking the air from coming through. Mom hasn’t said anything so i guess i shouldn’t really worry, should i?

So…. what can i say? My life sucks. Haha, i’m in a complete mess. Going crazy being stuck at home. I mean, i’ve been getting bad news one after another. Can it get any worse than this? It better not!

My back is giving me hell of pain. I don’t know how it happened. Kinda woke up one day feeling like that. Doc says it’s prolly a strained muscle. I hope so.  I got this medication that suppose to make my feel floaty…. Hmm, no effect so far. Maybe i need a double dose of it…. Well, it can’t be because of hip-hop! I’ve been doing it for 2 years and this is the first time i’ve gotten a back pain (besides falling and hurting myself). It’s hard to bend. The only time i don’t feel any pain is when i’m in a straight position, like standing or lying down. If it continues to get worse i might not be able to go for class next week! *cries* i love my class. Ok besides the point that i get to meet ppl-other-than-my-family-members, i love the song we’re dancing to. It’s the only thing that makes me happy nowadays…..

Well, other than the fact that it’s now 99.9% confirmed i’m studying A’ Levels, i’m still in the stage of denial. I don’t wanna go. I sound like a whiny kid but i can’t help it. I know some ppl who would gladly go for A’Levels without so much as a fuss, but this isn’t exactly what i want. I haven’t planned out my future via A’ Levels route. I was only thinking of Mass Comm the whole time! Now it’s a total different plan. Shucks…………

Yeah, and well, i think my emo problem is coming back again. Don’t worry it isn’t suicidal, well, once it was. But that was a long, long, LONG time ago so no need for panic. Well, basically i get depressed over everything. Yeah, sounds like a normal problem that every teenager goes through. Well, if you’re a pessimistic, it gets worse. I start thinking the worse of everything, everyone and me. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s like you’re feeling dread every single moment, u can’t get any peace. Your mind is like telling you there isn’t gonna be a happier moment anymore. Yeah, i sound like a complete psychopath. Haha, maybe i am. But i’m serious. I think it’s because i’ve nothing to do. Nearly all my friends are in college or doing something, so there’s hardly any time for me. I can’t go out. I really don’t know how to say this. I mean my problem is a far cry from the real problems of this world : proverty, crime and the nonsense with it. For some funny reason i feel like everyone’s ignoring me. Yeah, like i’m really alone…. I’m scared because i can’t really tell anyone about it. They’ll think i’m just seeking attention. And maybe i am. (ironic isn’t it i can’t tell anyone and i’m blogging this???!?!?!) It’s not like they’ll understand. Even i don’t understand what i’m going through. Just some hollow, empty situation….. This sucks. I’m at war with everyone. I hate myself. Blah.

Well, i guess i should be thankful that my parents are not letting make the hugest mistake by letting me pursue mass comm(?) Haha, no, now they’re making me go for A Levels! *screams* okie, i admit it’s better than taking architecture. But i really really wanna avoid A levels! Why? 100% on exams! Like SPM/STPM all over again! Yes, i’m a lazy freak and hate hardwork! :p

Oh well, went to check out KDU and Taylors. They both have their own pros and cons.

KDU (Pros) :-

1. scholarship! I get 2 semester tuition waiver off! That’s nearly rm10,000!
2. The mass commers are there! I have this weird notion that, with mass commers, they’re be for sure loads of activities. Which is why i miss TCPJ so darn much……..
3. the library and computer lab is super modernized!

KDU (Cons) :-

1. Unreliable and not fixed means of tranportation. It’s actually closer to Bangsar, but i’ll have to hitch rides from various ppl.
2. The environment isn’t exactly….. condusive shall we say? I mean after u’ve been at Taylors with proper tables and chairs, no where else can compare!

Taylors (Pros) :-

1. The facilities there are up to date, and well, i like how everything looks.
2. Transport is already provided and arranged. Now all i’ve to do is make sure i catch the bus at the RIGHT TIME!
3. Societies are active.
4. Taylors got nama la.

Taylors (Cons) :-

1. It’s only like rm2,000 scholarship. And plus, we’ve already transferred the remaining tuition fees from Mass Comm over. Not like i can waste rm5,000!

So that kinda settles it huh? I’m going to Taylors for June intake for A Levels. Goodness knows what i’ll be taking since it all boils down to what you are gonna pursue after A Levels! Sigh………… to be on the safe side, maybe i’ll have to take up sciences……….

I’ve no comments. My parents are forcing to end mass comm and take up architecture; whether i like it or not.