Devious Concoctions.

Whoa, it’s like getting hit by a bus….. except it doesn’t hurt. I’m meaning the shock and anxiety of being hit by a bus. But it’s not a bad thing! I mean….. oh nvm, u get it right?

So anyway, am still in denial of the whole darn thing. Thinking that my name was only chosen as like a last resort or that no one else wanted it. Oh dear…. But i’m glad of this opportunity. I think. Yea, i’ve never always been that confident girl 24/7, so right now would be one of those moments of, ‘Should i? or should i not?’

But anyway, that’s not the major issue. The major issue is : PARENTS!!! How am i gonna tell them without getting skinned alive?? Or grounded for the next 50 years?? This sort of thing is def a ‘no’ to them. Oh dear….. *bangs head on pillows and screams*

Oh yea, ‘cher pearly was right. One lie would build up to a second lie and a 3rd lie until it’s a huge, screwed up mess. Whee…. i’m stuck in a web of lies. Fun. Bummer…….

I want to learn to play the guiter. Any guiter! Mostly accoustic and classical! Everyone in the band plays 2 instruments and more! Ah….. the out-cast!

I want to be able to play by ear before i’m 20. For reasons concerning expensive music sheets costing rm20 and above.

I want to be able to apply eyeshadow CORRECTLY without making it look like a punched-black eye or clown-ish!

I want to be able to dance without making a fool of myself AND feeling good while i’m dancing; without a care in the world of who’s looking.

I want new jeans (never have been sick of them) and baby-tees! (can never find those nowadays)

I need to be in the current flow of the OC series as well as Desperate housewives and when the season comes, American Idol. (Taylor HIcks still rocks even though i only heard him sing on the last day)

I wanna have at least one road trip with my friends to anywhere that’s not in KL!

I wanna be able to do a break-dance pose for 1 minute. without actaully breaking my arms or neck.

I want to be able to park the car correctly and accurately!

I hope to teach Yuki how to bow properly.

I want to overcome my fear of heights. And cockroaches. Though the latter is gonna need serious theraphy treatment to do so.

I so need cash right now. (who doesn’t need cash any time of the day?)

I want to have a LIFE!!!! An outside, non-restricted, unsupervised LIFE!

HAH! i DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT! I PASSED THE STOOPID SLOPE! WHOO……… I’m an official ‘P’ driver! Yes!! Go me! Go me! hehe………… It was so weird and funny. No matter which car the officers pointed to, i wanted the last car of the bunch. i was that nervous. And all the way lining up to the slope i was banging my head on the stearing and talking to myself like some lunatic. When it came to my turn, i manage to get the front wheels on the line. Was about to go when a bee flew into the car. Haha, was so ecstatic that i manage to go down the slope that i forgot to put down my handbrake! Thank god no one saw!

Anyway, Bal passed yesterday too (see? nothing to worry about kan?) so we decided to drive to BSC with her manual kancil. She did fine. And then after lunch, we decided i should drive back. I think it took us nearly 10 mintues to get out of the parking lot. It went like, reverse (gonna hit gonna hit!!); forward; reverse (not so close!); forward and so on and so forth. Sigh, i think that’s gonna be the last time i drive a manual car. The thing runs on rpm, which means no vibration whatsoever. It’s lucky it didn’t die anywhere on the road. And it’s a lucky thing Bal’s house was just down the road…. :p

Argh! I failed again! Brilliant aren’t i? I don’t know what happened. I clearly remember pulling up the handbrakes with 2 clicks, yet it just kept on rolling back! I was lucky that the JPJ officer gave me another try but the 2nd time around i didn’t touch the yellow line. Went too fast, braked too soon. As usual. Argh……..

And after all that’s been said and done, i got transferred to another instructor. Yup i’m that bad. He and the lady instructor were arguing about not teaching me properly or something when he suddenly said, "okie, u take over." And that was it. I feel really angry. Not at him but at myself. She may be nice and calm and all but i doubt her expertise in teaching. This whole thing’s really stupid….. Yea, it’s clear to see why ppl give up on me so easily.

I’ve been doing it for ages but why not now??? Maybe it was sheer panic or anxiety, i don’t know. Apparently later he said that it wasn’t my fault and that this sort of thing is actually quite normal between him and the lady instructor. When a student fails 1 too many times, she takes over. But he’s not really giving the students over. More like giving in to her. But i still feel really bad. I mean, sure he screams and shouts at me but that’s all fine. I’m okie with it. It’s just that i failed twice, failed him twice. Feel really sad coz, technically, i don’t really look up to teachers much. Sure we get along, but never that amount of respect where u really wanna do well and please the teachers. I think he’s one of the very few. He’s still nice to me, but a bit colder. He’s still willing to help out next week during the retest if i need it. Let’s hope it’s the last retest. I can’t afford to lose anymore.

Argh! Tomorrow’s my retake test for driving. Only the circuit though. I passed the roadtest last week. Was really happy then, too happy that i didn’t concentrate at all for the slope. Hence i didn’t even touch the yellow line. Haha, no matter i thought. There’s always next week. And who am i kidding? I’ve been having lesson since forever and we’ve been practicing in the circuit for eternity. Yea, so no biggee right? WRONG! Just an hour ago, i had the worst last lesson i’ll ever have. For all this while, i’ve never, ever slide down from the slope. And the car has never died on the slope either. For the 2 hour lesson today, the car did just that. Oh god, u can very well imagine what a panic state i am in right now. And tomorrow’s the freakin’ darn test!! *screams* I’m not all the bad, that i can give credit to myself. I know what to do, but how i do it…. not exactly how i picture it. Bloody brilliant aren’t i? I can’t feel how deep my feet is pressing on the pedals or lifting it for that matter. Hahaha, thank god the piano pedals don’t require that much stressing over.

Well, the day before the lesson went great. Went to sunway with Bal, even though i wasn’t suppose to. Went for this star search thingy that was featured in 17. I remembered being extremely enthu when i went for it in 2004. the whole thing is about getting a make-over by some pros, some photo shoots and then an interview where u display your talents. Haha, i was so excited for it i let them paint my eyes all blue! God i look so Ah Lian( no offence) I was this perky ‘lil teen that giggled over everything, u know girly-girl. Haha, today i dressed kinda shabbily. I mean would u call a slightly over-sized dark brown suede jacket with a light pink tank top with jeans and sneakers shabby?? The make-over went ok, the lady just did lots of dark colours. Makes me look gothic, cool…… Anyway, previously i danced. Rather awkward movements. Today i did card tricks. Haha, was not my talent but i’m getting obsessed over it. Sides, i’ve nothing better to do till next month! They were so intrigued they just asked me to describe myself and then show them the tricks. They didn’t like ask, "Why do u think u deserve to be this star blah blah…." and stuff like that. Hehe, i’m just there for the free gifts!