Sunday, February 4th, 2007
It’s 8.14pm. 14 minutes late for my studying period. (yes i have a studying period which i keep strictly) Haha, and i have 2 test tomorrow, physics and econs, which i care why? Don’t know…. la la la…. haven’t studied yet. I should start real soon…. like i care……
I’m not complaining that much being stuck here in a levels. I mean it’s only like 11 more months to go. 2 major exams to go. I can do this. No pressure….. yes no pressure… (i am sounding a bit deranged aren’t i?)
But sitting here, staring at my flat screen monitor, listening to duke ellington, makes me contemplate my options AFTER a levels. What the hell am i gonna do? So far, my hopes of my future would include (hopefully) magic, music and er….. loads of going out and spending time with my friends??? The only thing holding me back is that I’m not good enough to do all that i wanna do. Yes i understand there is more i need to learn, and that’s gonna take time. Yet i feel so uncertain, really uncertain (hence the song in the previous entry) so uncertain I’m even scared to move forward in life. Sometimes i wish life wasn’t that harsh and mean and cold. Am i making much sense here ppl???
Don’t really know what I’m trying to point out. I don’t exactly hate my life at the moment, yet i really wish my mind would stop pouring in all those ‘you can’t do that’, ‘you can’t do this’ and ‘it’s never gonna work out’ and all the other melodramatic and pessimistic sayings. Am trying so hard to fight it, unfortunately being a girl, i can multi task. Whoopee-do…….
So seriously, I’m in at war with my mind ( a bit silly ain’t it? since your mind is the one that brings out the logic in most situations and yet i want to keep it silent?) so anyone, any advice? (I’ve tried keeping myself occupied. it ain’t working)
